Written by Hi!
This is the summary of days 21 to 30 where we discuss eco porn, socialist mental healthcare, becoming someone who can go to work everyday (ish), Climate Sins, and Parseltongue.
I’m Aleya, and I founded Fastfrwrd.info. I have been carrying out a Carbon Neutral Strike where I avoid oil, gas and plastic as much as I can. I have been posting daily updates since Earth Day, April 22, 2025 on this process as well as with my musings about the world as it is now.
Transcript:
Day 21: We can find good examples and bad examples of Capitalism and other systems. At this point it’s not important. What is, is what allows most individual freedom but group thriving? And what is the group? Can it be everything?
Had a big ol’ salad for dinner and took home my trash from snacks at work.
Day 22: I worked overtime today and brought my own food. Tomato and veganaise sandwiches and a salad. I wasn’t very hungry for most of the day.
Day 23: Honestly, I haven’t done anything with the trash from the street I picked up they’re in a shopping bag on my living room floor, damp.
I need to get proactive about bricks but there’s also a bonus at work that I want to take advantage of.
Also the other night I had a fairly intense moment with just the use of a pornstar’s picture. Normally I wouldn’t share this necessarily but because I achieved something intense from a photograph i wanted to say that lust has been taken care of carbon neutrally. It’s not as intense with videos for some reason. So I just Ecosia the image on incognito, turn off safe search manually each time pff but ok. Just search a name, scroll and then wax on, wax off my friends.
Oh! And bonus, you can play your own music without disturbance.
The energy I have to work is from socialist mental healthcare. I had already dealt with the homeless thing (if you’re new, hi I have been without a home before in varying fashions) i had dealt with that mentally outside of normal therapy. But I unburdened all the rest with the doctors and got therapied out. And so I waste less life these days because I somewhat enjoy it but also I recognize now that sleeping away life’s problems in the midst of depression of the sort where you just opt out and the best thing you can think to do is sleep. That’s the best thing. Right? And then we won’t die from contributing to the broken carbon cycle. Right.
As usual, I made it fun. I explored Lucid Dreaming. I sometimes wound up in the blur between waking and sleeping where you’re not sure if you’re awake or not.
Day 24: Say I want to build bus stop benches from plastic bricks and cement. Cement is not carbon neutral. But if bus stops are more comfortable, more people will willingly make use of them. And so what are the emissions saved by that cement usage?
I wanted to say, I haven’t used the lights in my house only my mom has twice and I wasn’t really around. In any case, my eyesight got better in the dark while only using my phone’s flashlight at night combined with street lights. The night lights at my house are eco. Night time lighting taken care of. Now I need a carrier for my phone that allows me to use it as a main source of light while maneuvering.
Day 25: It’s possible I can do enough overtime to buy a solar charging kit to cook from. Does anyone have any recommendations of a product that can allow me to cook carbon neutrally?
Day 26: Gif in Dutch means poison. We’ve accepted poisons that look like gifts in our overconsumption.
It’s just how funny this language lego brick assembly tool works. Language is stackable and modular. And if you know multiple there are added dimensions. There is the a paralinguistic element to anything uttered or expressed that draws on associations to further enrich the speech act.
Today was chill. Did overtime. I’m doing overtime so I can afford a solar generator. I’m motivated. And seemingly no longer agoraphobic the way i used to be.
I think it’s because we have sensable and agreeable answers to the climate issue now. It’s just a matter of implementation. I’m less worried about my impact. Because we have almost everything we need now.
Green hydrogen for our vehicles, retrofitted to accept the fuel… I’m researching and not really finding confirmation that this is doable.
Day 27: Seeing my growth. I go to work everyday. This is not something I could have imagined but there was once an Aleya who went to school everyday. I’ve tapped into that kid energy.
Just need friends now. I’ve lost all my contacts when I shed almost all my belongings on the roadside when I ran away from it all last year. I have no contacts left really. Makes things kind of lonely. Only have a few people to talk to and work is too busy you don’t get the chance to always chat.
There’s a countdown until I go barren. I have lost half of my eggs to untreated polycystic ovarian syndrome. I think about this as I go to and from work and spend my time on other people’s visions. Nothing wrong helping build a vision. But I want to achieve my goals both personal and work wise or rather creative.
Did a bit of overtime. I feel strong and competent.
This was not possible for most of my twenties.
Day 28: I ate salad today, drank green juice. Not much eating today because I thought I would go to work and get stuff on the way. Did not do that. Have food stuff that I can’t quite eat and one salad a day is enough.
The vinaigrette I bought smells spoiled. And I’m out of veganaise. Veganaise literally helps keep me alive because I slather it on everything. MVP. Need more.
I feel a bit feverish. My lymph node is still swollen.
I’m hungry and frustrated. I keep looking for delivery. Or maybe I have to go to the store. It would be ideal to go tomorrow on the way to work but i feel feverish and sickly and I don’t think how I’m eating is helping!
I ordered pizza. This will likely be one of the last times I do this. The Fastfrwrd site says vegan. I don’t think there is something inherently wrong with cheese, just the way it’s made and therefore the knock-on effects of consuming enslaved animal by-products and thinking that does nothing to your system.
I feel less feverish already however knowing that I’m going to eat something my body perceives of as good due to fat, salt, sugar balance.
So about this Climate Sin confession aspect of my Carbon Neutral strike. I think it’s important to demonstrate effective imperfection.
The world is not tooled for carbon neutrality. Talking about how we fail to be carbon neutral when trying hard no to is important for gathering data. This part is also important. And I don’t feel any shame. I don’t use lights at night since April 22, 2025. I’ve already won. I’m at 82 points. That means I’ve done quite a bit to be proud of.
Cheats are reported because I have no shame. I don’t want to eat cheese. But I’m not buying a cheese-less pizza at that price. Joke. I just need something that i know is going to taste how it tastes. I wasted $700 jamaican dollars on a spoiled vinaigrette and $1000 jamaican dollars on pesto I can’t eat. The answer is not to buy more cheese. But this is the only delivery, I can’t get the popular food delivery app to work for me.
What needs to happen is a massive public gardening revolution to grow food using regenerative practices in all public spaces so that all i have to do is walk out of the house, pick some food from the public garden and plant seeds of my own while I’m at it. I get to decide which crops to invest in, ensuring all my favourite foods are growing nearby.
This is a possibility. This would cut shipping costs and emissions. Grow the food nearby and free. Repair the soil. Feed the masses.
We would have to be mindful or car pollution in public spaces affecting these gardens. But hopefully we will figure out vehicles soon enough and public transport in order to prevent car exhaust latching on to the plants.
What would be so wrong about doing that? What would be the problem? Why would someone object to this concept?
Day 29: I didn’t eat today, just had a small cherry juice and some chocolate peanuts that i realize now contained milk. Really not on purpose. The packaging is with foil. I thought it was a good thing. I’m gonna freeze the pizza and leave it for my mom.
Don’t have much to report today. I shed some hair at work and I kept it too like the rest of my trash. I lost the coffee cup for my Frappuccino the other day but otherwise I’m keeping my trash.
The feeling of being ‘watched’ for lack of a better word of my strike strengthens my resolve to carry out the strike as best as I can. This is about cheats.
I am contending with the issue that it is very difficult to monitor and validate internet evidence.
This has been the main issue at the heart of this project.
Day 30: Listening to my music and vibing out. It feels so damn beautiful. Of the times too. I know it’s weird to say but so many things can become irrelevant right now and then we just set it up correctly. Meaning the systems that no longer serve us or suit us rather, can become irrelevant to our growth and advance. Put the food near us. It’s our biggest expense and cause of emissions.
Just riotiusly, fiercely, joyfully celebrated myself. I feel it.
I’m no longer sabotaging myself. I got me out of the way. Now it’s time. Blossoms Bloom.
During my last carbon neutral strike I meditated for what felt like an hour. I said: Freedom, freedom and didn’t like the ‘dumb’ so i switched to ‘Free dem, free dem.” At the end of the meditation my heart beat strong and fast. This after having painful heart palpitations at the end of the preceding year. It was an electrifying moment during that first week and 5 or 6 days of the carbon neutral strike, I did not make it the full two weeks but I did miles better than now.
I ate raw cabbage and tried dijon mustard to stem my smoker’s appetite. I tried smoking with onion skin to avoid using trees and it actually burned really well. Like. Shocker.
Weekend. Weakened. Week. Weak. The workweek makes you weak. Parseltongue.