Written by July 25 2206
Everything is closing in somewhat. I really do I have to make music to get to a different kind of life.
So I have to go back into Ableton even though I just made a good song yesterday.
I have no time to lose.
18:58
I’ve decided to make an onboarding game for Fastfrwrd to make it more fun to join the site. So far I can picture cards you choose, stating where you are, what you’re interested in and how they add together to create a way to use the site… in a narrative. Somehow. That’s fun.
Wish me luck? I may be getting too big for my britches with all this creation.
21:39
I take yawns personally and often triangulate experiences where i have to wonder if what im creating isn’t exciting enough. I take yawns personally. Can make you really unsettled when the timing overlaps with your creative process.
22:37
Feeling despondent with life and its uncertainties and so on. Just scrolled Bluesky and realized these protesters taking to the street for things are just giving oil companies money everything else is moot when they gather from far corners. I closed every single window that wasn’t green or compensated in the Brave browser. Now I will close Samsung notes and write my updates in Canva. I just can’t support the nonsense anymore. I guess I will have to figure out recording the audio for the updates, done in canva but exported as mp4 and then what. There’s no green format changer.
I realize that Ecosia on the computer is green though and not through the playstore so app usage tracking is less of a worry there, so I can use it to change the formats. I’m still despondent though.
July 26, 2026
00:03
I have made the switch to completely Carbon Neutral processes for my work and lacking leisure. It’s not going to be as easy as my usual way but I will at least not be participating in the enrichment of people set on risking everything just to get a few more zeros behind their name.
I’m doing all the checks of what needs to be done and what plans need to change and how to make it on a totally Carbon Neutral work process, and mostly carbon neutral lifestyle. Food and water will be the exceptions. Those I need to live and they insist on doing those the dirty way.
Gotta turn off the light switch. Just had a salad. I have to eat with the stove for this week because groceries were already bought and it’s not fair to just switch it up, especially because I’m not paying for it, I can’t afford my own food despite the amount of work I do. Hopefully that changes soon. But yes. I have to turn off the light.
00:54
Got rejected by Otherside Spec Fiction. My heart hurt a bit when I saw the ‘Rejected’ thing. A sign of things to come perhaps, more rejections? At least I now have publishing rights over the story and can fill it out how I like.
Well, the podcast is compensated so technically, I can record normally.
July 26 2026
I forgot the podcast is compensated so I can use regular tools.
July 27 2026
I have been listening to bandcamp on ecosia and i think that runs green. The indie music is actually quite good as are the other radio shows. I feel like a normal.
Wow.
Fastfrwrd is getting a makeover and pimped out. Getting ready to be irresistible! 😀
And I have decided I love everyone. Everyone. And i dont care if they want to hurt people. I will love them enough that they no longer hurt to the point where they have to pass it on.
I love everyone. Some way, somehow.
July 28 2026
I had a super productive work session today making an onboarding game for Fastfrwrd. I’m pretty psyched!
Making things become real is a fun, stressful, strenuous, time hungry, and sometimes exhausting or tiring process. But it gives back. I love being a creative.
July 29 2026
Waking up properly after a breakfast break. All my writing yesterday must have tired me out.
21:08
It’s a buck moon. I just went out to get a good look at it. It’s full. It’s been 3 years since the blood ritual. 3 is my number. Aside from 10. Lol. Wonder what it means if anything.
July 30 2026
I had a little health scare that stopped me from doing something that would have had me swallowing my pride a lot. It was a false alarm happily and I didnt have to eat poo poo either through doing that thing I didn’t want to but thought was necessary because of a dream. Lol. I will admit something. I don’t talk about Fastfrwrd with as many community people as I would like because 1. I don’t know who can read and who cannot, and 2. Less important but an issue nonetheless, I don’t know who will be offended from the gay themes in some of our stories. Eh.
July 31 2026
We have been having an issue that requires the authorities and as ubiquitous as they are when you leave the house crawling all around gathering fines no doubt, when you need them to do what they are supposed to, they don’t do it in the way you need it.
There are so many things to fix about this place. I’m determined to see it change. It’s a place I could like. If it weren’t so socially disrupted. The nature itself is awesome. The weather even when it’s hot for others, i like it. Just that the people need freeing and healing. Including the authorities. They are no doubt scared.
We use the word ‘Babylon’ to describe them. Because they protect the status quo. And they have a license to kill that they seem to like to use. Cause they’re scared. They think much like most others that there is something about Jamaicans that make them killy killy and a different sort of person. Put anyone in the same position you would get similar results. This is a human issue not a black person or poor person or global south person issue. In the same position, circumstances would be the same elsewhere. It’s a human issue. An organization issue. A value issue, how much people think time from our lives is worth. And we need counseling to recover from the fact that at one point in most of our family trees, our parent was our captor and abuser and rapist, a white enslaver parented someone in our family tree after raping our ancestor and then abandoning that child or enslaving the child. Normally you get counseling for that. Instead the trauma was passed down unprocessed. Then it goes through the Cold War, the infiltration of guns and the accompanying gun violence to protect capitalism, the War on Drugs when they saw Bob Marley and The Beatles winning against Western hegemony and status quo, the prison industrial complex, made worse because our ciminals lose their passports and stay on the island with us when they’re free while our ‘best and brightest’ in a technical sense, our most productive and capable in a sense, get drawn away with greencard visas in countries where they value labour more. We borrow from the International Monetary Fund and get debt and rules on how to spend what they lend.
The amount of murder we hear about and live near, that requires counseling. And it happens because of the reasons listed above. Babylon they say. Babylon… babble and incoherence and separation.
That’s what they say.