Written by Dec 22 2025
I seem to be working on the grimoire for The Stellar. I did not even realize I was sdoing that. The Chatpter is calld “The Method”.
If all these little coindcidesncs keep happening, the valid ones at least, they suggest something veryvbig, possibly sinister, possible benevolent butb clunky.
As it relates to me and fame, or the true goal: Visbile Platform oof, do not like that typo. Visible Platform. For sharing stotiesv on a grand scale. I have the impression that had I left my music up on Pandora, life would have been different.
If I would have given the speech I gave in my head all through the night, in 2023 .had I dont done it live on social media, it could have transformed the world. It had been that powerful. That is why I thouhght I should alrrady be famous. That speech was so transformative, I was xso certain of my words and myself and I did it all night.
If I had recordef it I would have gone viral. Not everything I would have said would have ben good bu t I know good content. It woukd hvae gone viral. I have gone viral pbefore. I know what it takes.Living in that realm wher e the benefits of fame would have assistend me, virality would have launched me and Ff. I mean. It was a weird realm to ingabit.
I have said before I sometimes believe my own stories. Because they are rooted in truth. Thats my thing. Tduth and such. So the stories I have written for this platform are quite real to me. Knowing where I should be and where I am and the impression of seand slidijg through the hourgalass. Time wasted because I wanted to explore the feeling of telepathy I was experienfeing.
I am diasgnosed scjozo-affective pbipolar now. I do not produce dopamine or seratonin. “Hearing voices” frok the inside of the diagnosis, is many things and youbare not sure which one when it starts. Perhaps youf brain is just trying sokething new. Perhaps you are imagining your friends because youre so lonely. Perhaps you are having intrusive thoughts based on interactions wiyh people and you akplify it because as a social creature with less rigjts than ofhers. You ikagije the world as it presents itself, in ultraviolent colour.
Andbok. About the violence. The one time I was violent was becayse I suspected they would give me a mediciation that would meake me die faster than others ij a heatwave. I was trying tobsave my life so yeah, Ill pfight 4 nurses, fuck you.
I still had sense. And what I was asking for was not that luxyry. Just tru to treat me witjout plastic being involved because it is literally in the clirs.cloursclouds. Ieverytime we use water we add kore platoc to ist. Every sinclgle time unless youve got copper pipes or sokething. I have a right to not wanr to hvae anything to do with platstix. Ok. There are reasons.
So no, sdont tie us down, you protect yiurself not you strap us down. Defensive rather than offensive care. Thouse nurses didnt know that and they made it hurt.
The vibrance of our brain life as ‘mentally ill’ individuals its just like how bees see rthe world vividly. We embaellish our surroundings ajd rract react to what WE are seeing, not just what is there ajd they are often related and based ij sokething true. I have been around people who hgae brain chiemistry disruotiona. They know their curr. And they gdt uoset when you take it away or substitue it only with pillls. Nbecause we know what pushed us over the evdge. And it was an actual thing that happenee that pushed unless i am overrationalizing diagnoses. But if you ask someone what ‘drove them mad’ or arather alterened their consciousness and awareness orf a shared reality… i dont like the word consciousness… con. Its just like a pet peevr when you dont have a good replacemrnt for a word that bothers yiu. Mind. Altered their mind. My end. Nowpe. Won’tbwork. Brain? Thinkpad, hm… it is spaed shaped* like a lilypad with the veins vbeijg the folds? Could be kinda cool, no? My thinkpad. Also my pad. Have to search what lily pads look like. Kinda, the underside too a bit like a slice of brain.
Edit: Not pad.