Written by Raw notes transcribed and a notice about a short Hunger Strike in May 2026.
March 15, 2026
So I’m seeing if smoking is muscular. I have a joint in my hand and I don’t want to smoke it for the [?? day?] Can I go til dusk? Bet. It [???]
[Something about ‘Speech Acts’]
Want to smoke. Still having fun without the smoke. Ha.
Things I just do without thinking. Instinct clearly.
Christina and Ariel was first. Didn’t need it for [??] while, didn’t smoke or think about it.
But wasn’t holding it. Affirmative sighs are conf[???] lol. Well it‘s what you want.
Some first instincts are vestiges like language.
Want to smoke a bit.
New circumstances require new calculations.
When they’re big. Honk. Affirmation.
Not thinking about smoking. It rained today. Nice rain. Sun went away then came back.
If you’re trying to do something the overall good, you stick to it. [??]
Thought about smoking . No one rejects Mikki! Got the typo ‘Work MD’ the other day. Food MD is the work. Suggestion: We do that, tackle that, we win!
Thought about a smoke.
Not thinking about it.
Thinking about dress for holidays, eggplant zucchini lasagna.
Pick what you first[??] wanted. It is what you want.
I think if I eat a mango I’ll open up my appetite.
[Food MD stuff]
I’m still high. Keep putting down the joint.
Not smoking is not much of a challenge. I have stuff to do! 😄
Eco browser add on app instead of app store. Ecosia, Wave, Search for Trees add-on to scan, goes offline through browser.
Stylemache map could have been like the Happy Cow app by now or more. My music could be been [further?] Between student visas and that weird in between space before you can apply for another visa type. It’s […???]
Wanted to smoke for a sec[?] and thought I was out of pencil. Peeled it back. But risked splinters, would not want that. So was not first instinct but worked and was lucky.
When you don’t smoke, you have more for later. It’s not a punishment. If it’s your choice.
Thinking Britney Spears ‘Sometimes I run.’
Something as simple as trying not to kill ants. I picked a spot to stand and wait. If I moved like I got impatient and want to, they might not clear here. Small things.
Holding smoke, don’t want to smoke.
[Food MD stuff]
If the word is wrong doesn’t mean a replacement is wrong [meaning if the word has pet-peeve stuff like ‘con’s in it as a first instinct you can correct that.]
[Food MD stuff]
Want it get dark lol.
[Food MD stuff]
Wasn’t holding smoke but wasn’t thinking about it. Thinking about Food MD. Have work. 🙂
[Food MD stuff]
I think I’m gonna fo it and easy too, no eating, no smoking, little drinking. Want a next rain to drink from. Or a mango at night. 🙂
[Food MD stuff]
[Future Aleya from May 3rd, 2026: I’m not sure if I documented it but that was the last day I smoked so far, that or the next day. I lasted until dusk and then carried on not smoking basically between that day and the next. My choice, so easy to do. I had had my fill and it had done its job. I am on the cusp of fulfilling my vision from the weed-induced psychosis. I had retraced my steps for years and now all aspects of the vision including something lining the coast from Kingston up until Portland has been mapped out and set in motion. If we create seabed-dwelling web and games-hosting pods, the vision will be fulfilled.]
March 16, 2026
What if I’m hearing what would have happened. A timeline. A dimensional split?
I gave the musing a chance. Maybe if I’m attracted to a potential [fascist?] maybe something will work out and I don’t tolerate it, I just give the musing a chance.
Writing this outside the house on the stairs at the food of the hill turn.
[Solubrious/Food MD stuff]
Because a study told me. I have done things because a study told me and I believed it. I’m not even sure if it’s true but I believe it. We all have beliefs.
I have imagined graphic images, because studies have shown that people who don’t consume porn are prone to doing that [while self-pleasuring, studies have ‘shown’ that people who use their imaginations go more graphic than if they would watch something.] Not always AT ALL do not get me wrong but what if I did that to keep the excitement and discipline. I am not actually hurting anyone. It’s not a problem just to be clear.
Workaway Fastfrwrd tokens
Tell people the Unlimited GreenGeeks plan is no longer available to new people.
Neighbourhood policing where you like conglomerate from neighbours and solve crime with [???? handwriting is so difficult]
In proportion: fire cannot defeat earth. Water can defeat fire. Earth can defeat air. Air can defeat fire in proportion. Lots of air currently.
My heart dropped when I said I don’t want to acknowledge god. For timing of the air. I said I don’t want to. And my heart dropped.
I don’t to because that means Satan is real. And I don’t want that. That is not a world I want to live in.
I said I don’t want to be a Christian a lot.
I don’t like Nietszche and the school that followed.
I don’t want to be a Christian, I said it a lot. Not just because it’s uncool or narrows your dating pool sometimes but just because.
I think I truly don’t want to.
But it says ‘acknowledge God’.
I sometimes wonder if kicked out of the Kingdom of God. [?] Rejected like Juneplum.
It says acknowledge. Like there’s someone in the room you don’t mention. Bit of air for that.
Have been arguing[?], crying (no tears) about God’s existence. In my head.
Christians ruin it sometimes.
I’m afraid he’s gonna be scary.
Humans. Not God.
I hate this.
I’m supposed to be happy but instead I am feeling like I am losing my identity as someone logical.
Argument: If I didn’t touch myself, I would not have abstained as long and I might have found a partner by now.
So point for the Christians. But I do not want to be a Christian. Heart. Small.
Being associated with some Christians is like a kick to your your public image. My hear is breaking over this.
A lot of things look like God.
They also look like planning sometimes.
The real things are joyful and pure.
I just feel like I’m succumbing to my environment but I have to tell myself this could have happened anywhere.
I do not want to be religious, I do not want attention from certain people who might have things to say.
It feels like succumbing. Like being taken over.
If this is my [??zation] but it is not. It’s my fight. I don’t like how this feels. I would give up so much.
I feel brainwashed.
I want to smoke!
I don’t want to be orthodox it feels like it’s happening to me.
Maybe if I’m a Christian it’s just what I am.
Based on my actions, habits. But not my beliefs.
Sometimes things add up.
And it is about acknowledgement. Is something in the room.
I want to smoke.
Not out of need but to be able to. To do it when I want. 2 people TOLD ME, you’re gonna see god or you’re gonna have a testimony.
If the devil has free will and we all have free will, and miracles take place to help people and it’s a fight or a journey.
Feels like I’m parroting Christians. Not how they say it but that now I am that. Of course I don’t have to be but I never saw this for myself. I was mad I was homeless. He didn’t make me homeless, didn’t not make me homeless. Kept me safe. People, not him. Right ear scratch.
He kept me safe. Am i comfortable saying that? I stamped my foot and gritted my teeth to protest but it caused pain which is supposed to be opposite of good.
Air.
And I can’t smoke. That is breaking my heart.
It was the thunder.
It was the air.
Rainbow and later rain.
Got carrots and neesbery, pepper [???] and guava jam.
@ night one big dutty rain, cordons. Stomach shifted[?] Rainbow.
March 17, 2026
As a God person.
2:45am or so. Out a road. Walk out round 2:30. Nah talk to anybody much.
Need to get to companies office.
Next rainbow this morning at emancipation park! 🙂
And it’s not a far walk to Halfway Tree then New Kingston. Waiting to register the business. Woop.Christian earworms, annoying. That’s why I felt like I was being taken over the slight force to save one from hell.
Christian dating seems horrible.
With a dating app, you have no incentive to ever see the person ever again, if it goes wrong that’s time wasted with nowhere to go.
The water fountain at emancipation part squirted me straight in the left eye. Lef’ high.
Used a normal pen to sign the business papers. I could have used a pencil crayon, made a fuss. I don’t want that attention. Trouble argument rejection possible.
I need a hobby and I’m thinking I can just go for walks? For fun? With[out?] phone. Should be nice except for people.
Got back around 12pm from road adventures. Getting groceries brought in, local veg for eating raw. We will see how I fare this time.
I think when you add all of this, everything into one, you get God.
It answers some of the questions I’ve had.
[???]
Carrying up my groceries myself, forgot the suitcase. Next time. It’s a good haul for $8825 JMD. Bunch of orange, bunch of lettuce, onion, tomato, carrot, cabbage, cucumber, bell pepper. 5lb lettuce is big. Need limes.
March 18, 2026
Beat mommy to the office by foot. :p
Took the plastic off the book. Can touch it and close it now. :p
Brought 5 oranges with me, I’m at mom office to fix phone and laptop.
[Food MD stuff]
March 19, 2026
Cant cook curry beans. Phone powerbank taking forever to charge (solar). Ecosia only accessible through Google who I am boycotting. Its not pleasant. Its ok tho just a lot of rules.
Coal fires take a lot to light without kerosene.
Planted two lettuce stubs, we will see. [Future Aleya: nothing came of it.] Just waiting for charge, might sleep.
[Food MD stuff]
I want Burger King nuggets or ital stew/soup. Something cooked and filling.
Its over [??] Slow charging. Eatibg salad with last oil. Tastes good.
Its not suffering. Its proof. There arent many bargains to be made. But its my belief that if ppl see and hear how hardbit is not to pollute, they will likely get in on the action to make common sense of this issue work. Our every move should not be part of broken cycles.
[Food MD stuff]
Just analysed my fingerprint dont think ever done that before. Circles in the middle! What else have I never done?
Im hungry for something coked and tasty.
So Im being a stickler. Without a green browser, I have to solar charge to be eco. You cannot cjaege directly from the solar folder I have. It has to go intk a powerbank, then powerbank to phone. Unlike daytime phone usage the battery cannot charge overnight the same way but mosyly it shoukd be ok. But no sun today so slow going. The tide never really stips. And I cab see the ocean from my house.
[Future Aleya here: I have to interrupt this transcription process as it is currently 10:33 am on May 6, 2026 and I have decided to start a hunger strike and update live about it. I will not have enough battery charge from solar to transcribe then record and publish March and April 2026 in time to then update about my Carbon Neutral Hunger Strike.
So I will instead summarize the days leading up to this, do it in full on Patreon eventually and then share a bit later on the public feed and instead do proper updates on my Carbon Neutral Hunger Strike in real time instead.
I have 8 days available to hunger strike fully because I have a varicose vein that requires medication for 2 months that I have to eat a meal before taking. So I will delay for 8 days then after that continue Hunger Striking but eating a meal at the end of each day to take my medicine.
Ok. The hunger strike is so that we make climate adjustments now while we have time before hurricane season and to show that there are very few options for green food options. Back to the recap]
Still March 19: It rained and I wanted to order pizza but there is no world where that could happen carbon neutrally.
March 20, 2026: I was waiting for charge and planted about 6 lettuce stubs that never turned into anything. There was a neighbour exclaiming to someone while I passed that they have to spend on cutting grass every day. I encouraged him to get his yardman to farm the place for more or less the same cost instead of mowing grass and he seemed to think about it and agree. I think he still has a lawn though when I last checked in May 2026.
I sang outside while charging. Have 2%. Checking in with my mother for safety and Patreon impressions.
Got 5% charge but the net is slow due to rainy weather. Cant win. 1 like on the post and 6 impressions.
I had mentioned on the day of staying at my mom’s new house February 17 to 18, 2026 that God made the first homeless people. Adam and Eve got kicked out of the garden. However I reflected further and it was more like they were told not to enter a particular room anymore and given a whole world to roam and make a home of. [Future commentary: So it is nuanced because both are true. Why couldn’t he help them after the fruit of knowledge misstep?]
Wanted to see if the solar store at the mall had solar charge I could leech off [Future commentary, I did not try it.]
I decided on the update format of 10 episodes per chunk.
March 21, 2026
Had the worst time trying to find an audio editor from Samsung store so as to continue boycotting Google and settled for Capcut to make my updates
Had a not yummy salad and tried to be patient with the powerbank.
March 22, 2026
Chatged a bit on solar and edited the first episode. Wondered if including the weed section made it rambly but wanted it to be more sunstantive. Will never know what would have been if I left it as the previous edit.
Then i had a family emergency that would require me to break my strike against vehicles and displace across the country.
The powerbank got too hot in the sun and would not charge. Solar kind of sucks, i said.
More on the ‘loop’ thing, curious loop. The ‘No Space’ came true in the Universal Binary. The vibrating bed came true ecologically with pallet beds (I said I wanted a vibrating bed on instagram leading up to my bipolar diagnosis years ago). Girl in a field from Utopia EP, came true with me at the Rainbow Gathering. ‘Unravel me febrile cord’ came true, through Discord. A lot of things are like a loop. I was right to feel uncomfortable.
TheN i speak about y-combinator startup matching to find fellow entrepreneurs in search of a unicorn type business partner to get rich and impactful together.
March 23, 2026
No phone charge. Need to buy a lime tree from forestry to cover my incoming travel.
No lime tree at forestry. Bought seeds from hardware instead. Planeted them. Eggplant. Kale, scotch bonnet peppet and basil.
24 March 2026
On a bus to portland for family emergency. Trying not to be resentful. I wanted to be totally green. Had lots of fruits and a salad.
Edited the second episode. Trying to cook on a coal fire. The trees i bought for the holidays last year havent been planted yet, I worry if they will make it.
The coal fired food takes forever to cook. Forgot rice is an import. Still trying to catch the fire as it gets dark. No kore matches left. Phone wont turn on.
Food is kind of cooking but slooow. Its a lovely half moon night. Fire seems hot now. Phone finally turns on. 5%! Got some work done.
The food was not cooking so my relative cooked it for their dinner on gas.
There were fireflies outside abd it reminded me of an internal monologue I had had where I was told fireflies would light my way if I were trapped in the dark.
It meant promises would be kept. I got two rainbows and fireflies as promises kept. And we have an agreement, God and I, that he’ll prove himself everyday.
Like when I find money. I find money all the time. Its either a joke of people leaving me ‘loot’ since Im gamifying climate action or god or both or something else but i always find small sums of money.
Ive given credence to crystals, woo-woo witchy stuff, thought perhaps I am a genius with an amazing brain. These rationales for thing people once labeled as ‘God.’ Why cant i just name it that way too? That is what it is. That is the name we used to use.
Evangelical atheists made it uncool and the conservatives and bigots maxe it undesirable but that is not what I am talking about. Some of this stuff, we used to label as God.
Wanted to get a local made sign for Fastfrwrd but paint has plastic. Could carve into driftwood though.
March 26, 2026
Magical Realism is a shy name for God.
My relative made a fire the day before with local coal and found wood. It was potato cabbage soup/stew and satisfying.
Got some juneplums incoming.
March 26, 2026 daytime
Got a bunch of juneplums for $400 jmd straight from the tree.
Found a farmer in the countryside who can supply me.
March 27, 2026
Getting the hang of fire cooking, gathering fallen wood. Someone got killed in our neighbourhood in the countryside. Despite endless police patrolling. The conseqyences for wrongdoing are dire if not prison for life, no more passport and stuck adrift at sea for life. So when it comes to crime, its all or nothing for people. Its sad.
March 28, 2026
Rain, light rain. Just waiting for charge. Bored. Im upset. Ths solar charge thing is wasting my time. Need better offline activities. Got firewood to pass the time.
30 March 2026
Cooking soup on fire and taking a while to cook. Also charging by solar. I looked for a co-founder on Y Combinator. I will offset the estimated emissions. The yard is getting sprayed. There are ticks and other insects but i dont like that we use the spray.
Have 2 or 3 get-togethers tomorrow with potential coworkers [Future commentary: none of it worked out, they all want a salary and job security.] The flames are going now. I tasted the broth, it might be tasty.
Edited todays episode 41 to 50. Plan to publish tomorrow.